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Chip Tankgirl

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Big Decisions [Mar. 4th, 2010|05:28 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
So last night, or maybe it was this morning, I sorta made a sorta big decisions. I've been up here in Etna for a month, trying to find a job in the bay area so that I can move down there, and it hasn't been going real well. I mean, it's been going okay, but so far I haven't found a job.

Last night, or maybe this morning, I had the thought, why don't I just take a job at Astrocamp, do that for a while, then maybe bounce around or something. The answer is of course that I love the bay area and I want to get to do all the wicked awesome stuff that's going on there, and I've kind of tried to set up my life so that the bay area provides a foundation for my life, and I don't like feeling like I lack foundation. I can feel unstable very easily. But heck, I can do phone sessions with my therapist, and maybe that's good enough. At any rate, I'm not getting what I need out of life by striving to get back to the bay.
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experinment [Feb. 23rd, 2010|10:50 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
I want to eat a skunk's odor sacks and then poop them out and see if a skunk smell is worse when it becomes poop.
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a visit to the desert [Feb. 6th, 2010|06:55 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
i have been doing poorly.

i called brannon, johnny, and nicole last night. i told them that i was home alone for the whole weekend, and could i possibly have them to lean on, because i've been really unhappy a lot lately. of course, none of them called back. there's some horrid flaw in my character that makes it so i can't have friends or something. i don't know.

i've twice very seriously considered trying to talk to her again. i want to tell her 'what the hell? i'm a nice person. i'm a cool person. i'm worth getting to know, and you shut me out of your life without a word of explinaiton. you hurt my feelings a lot, and i don't deserve that. you were so amazing and the kind of conversations we had i've never been able to have with anyone, and i know that i'm pretty amazing too. so seriously, when you get your head on straight, you really ought to at least tell me why you shut me out and threatened me with a restraining order. and if you decide you don't want me in your life, it's your loss.'

i know it would be pointless to say that to her. she already knows. so i'm just fucked. i hate this feeling. i don't want to do this anymore. watch the world burst at the seams with indifference when i decide end it all for good. well fuck you world. i was a great man, and i could have been great for you, but you chose not to care.
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Writer's Block: Unfriended, Unspecified! [Jan. 27th, 2010|11:23 am]
Chip Tankgirl

Has anyone ever unfriended you without explanation? Did you ask why? Have you ever deleted someone from your friend list without saying why?

YES! Artnoose fucking out of the blue unfriended me and hella blocked all my shit. I fucking hate it because it makes me feel like a creep or something, when I'm not a fucking creepy dude. I even had a dream the other night where I discovered this half-naked woman passed out in a bathroom, and I knew I was dreaming, but I STILL didn't take advantage of her because I decided it would STILL be the wrong thing to do. I'm such a non-creep I wouldn't even rape my subconscious.

That probably sounded really weird.

I guess I should go home now.
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Stupid. [Nov. 17th, 2009|12:17 am]
Chip Tankgirl
So my drivers license expired last month and the clerk at Dangerousway tonight was the first person to catch it. I wasn't even aware until she pointed it out. I'm super bummed, because a delicious beverage would suit me nicely on a night like tonight. You see, there's a giant meteor shower that's supposed to happen in about 45 minutes, and it's making me stay up late, and I'm too much of a procrastinator to do homework or anything else constructive, so everything is stupid.
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Steve. [Nov. 13th, 2009|07:53 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
So something that I didn't expect when I signed up for Whiskerino is that I'd be in a beard collective with a bunch of young fathers. Like at least half of the people competing have submitted pictures of them with their kids, and it looks really fun. I really want to marry a woman and have a kid or two and grow a nice beard and wear a lot of button up shirts that are, like, a green plead and wear thick frame glasses and maybe own a couple of urban vinyl that my friends made and buy cool alternative toys for my kids and have a job and make my kids watch Tarkovsky movies so that later on in life they'll be really patient, and I could learn how to skateboard, and I could change my name to Steve, and then my friends could be like 'Oh hey, are you going to Steve and Luann's house for Nick's first birthday party?' when they talk to each-other, and we could move someplace that's more woodsy, like Canada, and I could be really nice and a really cool parent. If anyone knows a woman with kids who would let me role play this fantasy with her and them until I get it out of my system (it should take about 3 days), please give her my name.
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The most difficultly achieved breakfast ever. [Nov. 13th, 2009|06:26 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
I went to the Dangerousway four times today.

7:00 AM- I looked on Craigslist for jobs. I sent a resume to some company looking for someone to ship baby toys during the holiday season. I went back to sleep.

11:35 AM- Brad calls and wakes me up. He mentions that Dangerousway is having a sale on Reeses Puffs cereal, and that three boxes are five dollars.

12:30 PM- I try to decide if I should buy cereal. I take a picture for Whiskerino. I do some other crap. Then finally, I decide I need to eat some goddamn breakfast, and I go to the Dangerousway. Reeses Puffs aren't on sale. I call Brad. He tells me he went to the Dangerousway on 51st in Oakland. I decide I'm going to Oakland.

1:00 PM- I decide Oakland's too far to drive, and I need some cereal now. I turn around and go back to the Dangerousway in Hayward and get generic cereal.

1:10 PM- I arrive home, finally. I discover I don't have any soymilk. Sick and tired of driving, I decide to eat something else for breakfast.

2:00 PM- Midway through watching the new eppisode of The Office, I realize that I really want some cereal. I go back to the Dangerousway for soymilk.

2:15 PM- I get up to the checkout with my soymilk and realize that I've forgotten my wallet.

2:30 PM- Drive home and grab my wallet.

2:40 PM- Purchase soymilk. Get stuck behind the slowest octogenarian in the history of octogenarians on my way out the door.

3:00 PM- I eat a bowl of cereal. Now that I've had breakfast. I feel charged and ready to start a productive day.
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For those who haven't been made privy: [Nov. 6th, 2009|08:38 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
[music |Grinderman - s/t]

I'm in Whiskerino. I'm really excited. I just got my camera back from the repair shop today, and I celebrated by posting a new picture. Please go and root me on!

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Showgirls (1995) [Oct. 21st, 2009|05:13 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
Showgirls (1995)
Dir. Paul Verhoeven

First off: Elizabeth Berkley as Nomi Malone in Showgirls sort of reminds me of my ex-girlfriend in all the wrong ways. So I might be biased.

With this in mind- If there is any justice in the universe, the deepest, darkest pit of hell is reserved for anyone and everyone who had anything to do with this film. I don't give a shit if Verhoeven also directed Robocop, and I don't care if this movie had a whole lot of female nudity. The only thing that could give me joy at this moment is knowing that everyone involved with the the making of this fucking thing is suffering in eternal torment. This movie is so deplorable I could taste it. Watching this was like trying to defecate with a bad hemorrhoid when you've been eating nothing but almonds. Your brain screams 'Please let this be over soon!'

And it's over two Goddamned hours long.

Sometimes, the premise of a film is so absurd, that have a hard time imagining what the pitch meeting went like. For example, for Showgirls, somebody had to sell Hollywood execs. on a film about a woman who moves to Las Vegas to be an exotic dancer, and is then shocked and appalled to discover that the job is sleazy and demeaning.

No seriously. That's the plot of the movie.

Perhaps there's a scene that was left on the cutting room floor, where a wide eyed Nomi Malone hears about Vegas for the first time, from someone she she doesn't realize has just suffered a concussion. Perhaps the scene goes like this:

Concussion Person: Yeah, and in Las Vegas, nobody is trying to make a quick buck or get into anyone's pants. When you get paid to dance naked in Vegas, the people who you work with are polite and professional asexual men and women, who will probably just give you a starring role, because they're just that friendly.
Nomi: Well, normally I'd be skeptical, but you've always been a sane and rational person, so I guess I'll have to believe you.
Concussion Person: Also, the restaurants in Vegas have Darth Vader himself come to the table and poop a live stork onto your plate, just to be friendly.

If you know one thing about exotic dancing, it's that if you want to make it in the business, you're probably going to have to sleep with your boss. If you know one thing about Las Vegas, it's that the town prides itself on being more fun than it is ethical. Does that sound like a good combo?

Okay, I've hammered on the stupidity of the plot enough for one day. I guess I should say something more about this hunk of crap.

As previously stated, Nomi Malone is hitching a ride to Vegas, where she plans to make it big as an exotic dancer. She catches a ride with the handsome and friendly Jeff (Dewey Weber) who turns out to be perhaps the most misguided thief on earth. Jeff gives Nomi a handful of quarters and encourages her to kill some time on the slot machines while he meets with someone. She leaves her suitcase in the truck and he abandons her at the casino with it.

If you're reading this, and you're considering a life of crime, know that this method of theft is foolhardy as it is cruel. First off, he gives her money, in the form of quarters for her to gamble with. Usually the goal of a theft is to not give the person who your stealing from money. Secondly, she's a woman with all her personal possessions in a suitcase, hitching a ride to Sin City, where she hopes to land a job in a field that's generally considered a disgrace to everyone involved. Whatever's in that suitcase, it's not gold bricks. Perhaps Jeff is a transvestite who hopes to score a slew of woman's unmentionables to fuel his hobby. At any rate, his decision to screw over Nomi and leave her stranded is only a three minute segment of a movie that's over two hours long.

Nomi understandably flips out, and in the process meets irrationally kindhearted (especially considering that we now know that Vegas is the kind of town where they steal your suitcase for no reason) Molly Abrams (Gina Ravera) who by the end of the film is the only likable character. Molly offers Nomi a place to stay until she can get back on her feet.

Six weeks later, Nomi is dancing at the infamously sleazy Cheetah's Club. Molly, who works as a makeup artist for the Stardust Resort & Casino (apparently these places really exist) invites Nomi to tag along one day, where she meets the Stardust's star performer, Cristal Conners (Gina Gershon). Cristal, perhaps sensing that Nomi is a threat, makes catty attempts to put Nomi in her place, and this will continue throughout the film.

Zack Carey (Kyle MacLachlan) is Cristal's loverboy, and as soon as he meets Nomi, a sexual tension, exasperated by her tiff with Cristal, builds. Nomi's other suitor, James Smith (Glen Plummer) spends most of his time trying to develop something genuine with Nomi, but on the dance floor and off, but his skirt chasing ways get the best of him.

Spoiler alert! Like you give a shit.

In the end, Nomi finds that everything and everybody in the Las Vegas exotic dancing industry is shallow and cutthroat, save her best friend Molly, who never succumbs to the attitude of Vegas, and is thus victimized by it. Nomi takes her leave of Vegas and ventures off into the great unknown. The end.

One of the things that I find some damningly unpleasant about this film, is that nothing seems to have any sort of effect on the plot or characters in the film. Throughout the film, Nomi is secretive about her past, and when that past is exposed to boyfriend Zack, his reaction at best reaffirms what she already knew about him. In the end, Nomi supposedly has an epiphany, but it's unclear at best what exactly she's learned from her time in Vegas, and how her life has suddenly improved. It's like gnawing on a bone for two hours and being told you're eating a fine steak. It's like being sold a bag of oregano and being told it's pot. It's like masturbating and being told you're getting some. In the end, you can't just tell me a movie has something important to say, you show me that your movie has something important to say, by saying it in the movie.

Sometimes I wonder about my labedo, when a movie like Showgirls can't redeem itself in my eyes by the amount of skin it shows, but that just goes to show you, when you're directing a movie, you always have to ask yourself, 'If my audience is asexual, will they still enjoy it?'
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Internet Lingo Lesson of the Day [Oct. 20th, 2009|10:12 pm]
Chip Tankgirl
I want to help out my blog readers as they venture out into the wild Internet. I understand that there are many new words and phrases and acronyms that they have to learn. Here's today's lesson:

STFU: an acronym for 'So, That's Fairly Understandable.' Make sure to say this whenever anyone on the Internet says something that's reasonable or sense-making, so they know that you get it.
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